Monday 23 May 2011

Hmmm

A friend asked me recently if I was ever going to do anything with this blog besides the entries from my Malta trip. I'd said I doubted it, but after a trip to the mall yesterday I figure there are a couple of things I'd like to speak up about. Both have to do with...


FASHION

It's about now that, if she were here, my sister would put a gun to my head and tell me to slowly step away from the keyboard. And I can understand why...I'm one of the least fashion conscience people around. My cool weather 'wardrobe' consists mainly of hoodies and jeans...and my warm weather one is tank tops and jeans, with the odd pair of cut-offs thrown in. I have 2 jackets. One is a black biker leather and the other one isn't. My shoe collection is made up of trainers, a pair of dress boots, a pair of hiking boots and a pair of heels that probably have 3 inches of dust on them as they haven't been worn in an ice age. Basically, I spend half my time looking like I just got out of bed and the other half like I'm about to hop on a Harley.

But my sister isn't here and at any rate, I'm sure she'd agree with the points I'm about to make.


UGG-Lee

Okay, I can live with the fact that these boots are not only in existence but also very popular. I myself would never wear them but to each his own. What I can't stomach are these girls that feel the need to wear the big, furry variety with a skin tight track suit...which is almost always hot pink or electric blue...and about 5 lbs. of makeup. To be honest, I thought this particular trend went out a year or so ago, but just yesterday I saw three overly endowed blondes decked out this way. Who the hell decided that this was fashion??

( I'll bet you anything that some celebrity happened to throw on her boots to run outside for a second and was spotted by some brain dead fashion automaton who thought she was wearing the 'latest thing' and ran out to copy it. That's how this crap gets started, you know.)

Sorry, but you don't look cute. You look like you've probably also got a tramp stamp tattooed on your lower back and a butterfly naval ring encrusted with cubic zirconia (cause we both know you can't afford Swarovski crystal. You blew most of your money on Max Factor and Britney Spears' latest perfume). Be honest now...you also own at least one pair of pants that have 'Juicy' written on the ass, don't ya?

Bottom line (no pun intended), scrape off the Pan Stick and get some decent clothes or just hang a sign around your neck that says 'WILL HOLLER FOR A DOLLAR'.


No, as a matter of fact I don't want to see your underwear

It's a trend that just won't go away. Everyday, on every street, you see some wanna be gangsta walking around with his pants hanging at least halfway off his ass. And he's WHITE. This guy wouldn't know the Wu Tang Clan from the Backstreet Boys even if they showed up at his upscale middle-class home and put his head through his plasma screen television after beating him senseless with his Wii controller.

'Jailing', as it's commonly known, came about because prison inmates aren't allowed belts, resulting in their pants usually sliding off their hips. Naturally, the style carried over onto the street. I don't think I'm taking too much of a leap here when I speculate that it was originally a type of identification in certain circles. Much the same way certain tattoos are used to show if a person has been in jail and what their crime was.

(I've also heard that, while inside, wearing your pants in such a way also meant that you were open to certain...ahem...activities, shall we say. But I've only heard that definition once, so it's hard to tell how accurate that one is.)

Bottom line? You wouldn't make it a half block in the 'hood', Holmes, so quit trying to act like you're just minutes away from your next drive by when the only gun you've ever held was connected to a gaming console and the only crack you've ever seen is your friends cause he's dressed just as stupidly as you are. You want to 'keep it real'? Go try to rob the local mini-mart. I bet you a 4-0 that you don't make it past the fingerprinting before bursting into tears and yelling for your mommy.